Thinking The Other Way Around

I may have not been writing stuff lately but that doesn't mean nothing's been happening to me. Actually, the only laptop here in our house crashed thus making it impossible for me to make kwento.

I can never think of any better timing for a come back than today. Here's the thing, have you ever been in a situation where you know what you're about to do is very wrong yet you still go for it? I'm having struggles lately. I know I'm sinning but the problem is, I like doing it. Do I feel guilty afterwards? Yes. It's like a cycle which keeps on happening. I commit the sin, I feel guilty, I run away, I feel convicted, I ask forgiveness. It's the same thing for the past years. I keep doing the same thing OVER AND OVER AGAIN! *Insert Taio's voice here* AND IT GOES ON AND ON AND ON! *higher pitch* AND IT GOES ON AND ON AND OOOON! Minsan, naiisip ko na parang niloloko ko lang yung sarili ko. Parang joke time lang lahat ng efforts ko to resist the sin. Honestly, I even think na God wouldn't listen to my prayers of forgiveness anymore dahil paulit-ulit na nga lang.

Guess what, I have done it again. And the guilt is killing me! I thought of praying kaya lang yung feeling ko na baka hindi na ko pakinggan ni Lord, na baka sawa na sya sa mga sorry's ko, made my appointment with Him, a little late. I know I should pray, confess and ask forgiveness for what I have done. It's not much of a sin for man's eyes pero God doesn't care what our sins are. He sees murder and stealing 10 pesos from your Mom EQUAL. Absurd right? I know! But that's His rule. No "but's" for us.

This morning, after I took my kid sister to school on my way home, I kind of contemplated on what I should do next. I even thought of not attending our music ministry practice but at the back of my mind, someone's telling me to turn to the Lord and continue to go to Church. So that is what I did - I prayed and turned to the Lord the soonest I came home. I also then came across this video posted by a friend of mine. It spoke to me like it was meant for me to watch it! It's kinda creepy and amazing how God speaks to us sometimes, I know! but I would be more terrified if He speaks to me like how He spoke to Moses and Samuel. Me hearing voices? That would make me think that I'm having auditory hallucinations before even realizing it was God talking to me.

I have learned the story of Jonah a looooong time ago when I was in a Sunday school class listening to the teacher and having a coloring story book where I would use the black crayon to color the uber big fish thinking it was a whale. But you know what, the story didn't matter as much as it does to me right now. Everything makes sense!

Jonah turning his back against God's plan for him, aware of what he has done, went hiding thinking God won't find him. Realizing his mistakes, he prayed, ask forgiveness and pursued his mission to Nineveh.

My God is the same God who has forgiven Jonah. The same God also forgave the people of Nineveh from their wicked ways. The God who said "MY LOVE IS GREATER THAN MY ANGER". The God who gave His one and only Son for me. The God who gave me EVERYTHING. What made me think He wouldn't listen and forgive me right? All I need to do is sincerely repent.